Take Two and Kill Me in the Morning

Now There’s Acedia

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

BUSINESSMAN walks down the street.  A HOMELESS WOMAN dressed in rags is seated by a building.  She holds out her hand as Businessman passes.

HOMELESS WOMAN

Can you spare some change, mister?

Businessman looks at her but keeps walking.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE

Businessman is seated on an examination table.  A DOCTOR is holding an X-Ray.

DOCTOR

The worm will likely eat its way up your esophagus and into your brain.  He’s a feisty little bugger.

The Businessman holds his gut and looks worried.

INT. DINING ROOM

Businessman is seated at the table with WIFE, SON, and DAUGHTER.  The children are elementary school age.  The family eats dinner.  The DOORBELL rings.  LONGHAIRED SHIRTLESS STUD enters.

LONGHAIRED SHIRTLESS STUD

Ready, baby?

Wife gets up and kisses Businessman on cheek.

WIFE

By the way.  I’m leaving you and the kids and never coming back.

Longhaired Shirtless Stud carries her off.  Business man looks very worried.

SON

Can you sign this for me, Dad?

He holds up a homework assignment with a large letter F in red.  Daughter puts a cigarette in her mouth and lights it.  Businessman looks extremely worried.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Are you ruled by your feelings?  Are your emotions there to thwart you at every turn?

INSERT - TELEVISION

On the screen Businessman, Son, and Daughter are seated at the table as the announcer continues.  We see that the previous action has taken place on television.

ANNOUNCER (V.O. - CONT’D)

Are you tired of being bullied by those pesky brainfarts that stand in the way between you and success?

LIVING ROOM

WALT Williams, in his late thirties, is seated on an easy chair, watching television.  A bottle of pills appears on the screen in front of a serene backdrop of sky and fluffy clouds.

ANNOUNCER (V.O. - CONT’D)

Now there’s Acedia.  The only prescription emotion suppressant approved by the food and drug administration.

MOLLY, attractive and slender in her mid-thirties, enters the living room and kisses Walt on the cheek.

MOLLY

Whatcha watching, hon?

WALT

Some garbage.

He waves her off.  On the television screen Businessman is smiling and serene.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

So ask your doctor today about Acedia.

(beat)

Acedia.  Could You Care Less?

(beat)

Side effects may include--

Walt zaps the television off.

MOLLY

You’re not seriously considering--

WALT

Me?  What use would I have for that crap?

Molly sits in Walt’s lap.

MOLLY

I like you just the way you are.  A lion at the office.  A jackrabbit in the bedroom.

She kisses him.

MOLLY (CONT’D)

And the sweet, sensitive man I love at home.