Death Knell
Shady Doings
INT. AIRPORT SECURITY CHECK - DAY
A FLUNKY wearing doctor’s scrubs is carrying a cooler toward the metal detector when he is stopped by a SECURITY AGENT.
SECURITY AGENT
Excuse me, sir. You’re going to have to put that through the x-ray machine.
FLUNKY
This cooler contains sensitive human tissue. Exposure to radiation could--
SECURITY AGENT
All right, all right, Mister Wizard. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’ll inspect it by hand.
Flunky sets the cooler on the counter. The security agent opens it.
INSERT - COOLER
Two kidneys sit atop a bed of ice.
FLUNKY (O.S.)
Human kidneys.
(beat)
I guess I should say Old Lady Kidneys. Look at these saggy old things. Makes you sick.
BACK TO SCENE
FLUNKY (CONT’D)
At any rate, we’re about to make one special little girl very happy.
The Security Agent closes the cooler and hands it back to the Flunky.
SECURITY AGENT
God bless the good work you’re doing. I’m sorry for the delay.
FLUNKY
No apology necessary. You can’t be too careful. Not these days.
INT. CHIEF MCCREA’S OFFICE - DUSK
Chief McCrea, humming to himself, arranges Precious Moments figurines on his desktop.
INSERT - DESK
The Chief sets down a figurine of a little boy fisherman wearing a straw hat among the elaborate arrangement.
BACK TO SCENE
CHIEF MCCREA
(to figurine)
How they biting today, Billy?
A KNOCK interrupts the chief. He looks up to see Jack standing in the doorway.
JACK
You got a minute, Chief?
EXT. AIRPORT - DUSK
A plane lands on the runway.
INT. AIRPORT
Flunky comes off of the jet bridge carrying the cooler.
STREET NEAR AIRPORT
Flunky hails a cab and gets in.
EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
Flunky exits the cab, holding the cooler. He throws a handful of bills into the driver’s window.
FLUNKY
Keep the change. I may be a hood, but I believe in tipping.
INT. WAREHOUSE
Carlos BUCANERO, a vicious crime boss with a parrot, PEPE, on his shoulder, stands flanked by GOON 1 and GOON 2. GOON 1 and GOON 2 hold submachine guns.
BUCANERO
You’re late.
FLUNKY
The pilot was drunk.
BUCANERO
You have something that belongs to me.
The Flunky places the cooler on the table and opens it for Bucanero to see. Bucanero picks up a kidney and tests its heft in his hand.
BUCANERO (CONT’D)
Very good.
FLUNKY
If you don’t mind me asking, what does a guy like you want with a kidney?
Bucanero produces a large knife.
BUCANERO
Let’s just say--
He slices into a kidney.
BUCANERO (CONT’D)
That this organ--
He extracts a large packet of cocaine from the kidney.
BUCANERO (CONT’D)
Plays a different tune. Namely--
He hefts the cocaine in his hand.
BUCANERO (CONT’D)
Toot-toot-toot.
Bucanero and his Goons laugh.
FLUNKY
I guess I’ll be on my way.
BUCANERO
Not so fast.
Bucanero slits open the packet of cocaine and sticks his finger in. He lifts his finger so that the parrot on his shoulder can lick the cocaine from it.
INSERT - BUCANERO’S SHOULDER
Pepe nibbles the cocaine from the fingertip.
BACK TO SCENE
BUCANERO
How is it, Pepe?
PEPE
It’s grrrr-eat!
Bucanero laughs and stabs his knife into the cloven kidney on the table.
INSERT - TABLE
The knife pins the kidney to the table.
INT. CHIEF MCCREA’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Chief McCrea and Jack are talking. The arrangement of Precious Moments figurines stands between them on the desktop.
CHIEF MCCREA
I’m afraid you’re asking the impossible, Jack. I can’t put you back on the force while an investigation is pending.
JACK
But my mother, Paddy. She’s in the hospital hooked up to so many machines that you can’t tell her apart from a skill crane!
CHIEF MCCREA
All the more reason for you to be on hiatus. An emotional involvement in the case just makes it all the more difficult to be objective.
JACK
No. That’s where you’re wrong. It makes me a better cop.
CHIEF MCCREA
Sorry, Jack, but the answer is no.
JACK
You’re forcing me to strike out on my own.
CHIEF MCCREA
Then you’ll be subject to the same treatment as a common criminal.
JACK
So be it!
With a BATTLE CRY, Jack sweeps the Precious Moments figurines off from the desk and onto the floor where they shatter.
